I'm quitting social media except for WordPress and YouTube. Yes this post will automatically post to Facebook, twitter, and google + without me going to those sites itself.
Social media is getting to the point of complete annoyance. Almost everyone's post is someone is complaining about life, gloating about whatever that point in moment happened or something they ate or bought, taking trips, relationship shenanigans, and what not.
I try my best in relationships in putting effort towards it but not getting anything back. It's so annoying. No one goes directly to me to talk to me except through some third party to see how I'm doing which makes it even more annoying and erks me.
I know people has lives and lives to live. I'm not a loner at all so I'm cutting and testing relationships and see who actually cares. I know at least 3-5 people that actually do care.
So how well do you actually care about your relationships before it's too late and get the boot? How far will you go to save your relationships and friendships?
So, if you've read up on past Diario posts you got to know some of what I am going through. As the headaches gone, it lightened slightly but not by much. I still haven't made an appointment. Why? Because, frankly, I'm not a big fan of doctors and they don't know how to deal with people with Chiari and what they deal with on a daily basis unless they're specialists that dealt with numerous chiarians.
I feel like having months of extreme headaches, it'll start tugging on your emotions, the proper way of reacting back to the conversation, thought processes, appetite, sleep cycle, and etc. I've started to notice this. I haven't been me. I feel like I have to act it out or fake it, the real emotions I'm having at that current moment to what I was like. I'm not the superficial high maintained woman. If I had to compared my person to a celebrity personality, it would be be crossover between Johnny Depp, Ellen Degeneras, and a small hence of Queen Latifa. So yea I'm a pretty laid back girl who likes to have some fun and speaks her mind.
But, after months of what feels like agony and not feeling myself, I ask myself one question. Have I become numb to it all? I just don't knows how to talk to people anymore even though I know my friends and family and what they like to do. Can I get out of this agony and numbness? It's possible. I know for a fact I'm not depressed, I've been there I hated it. It's hard to fight it and become a normal self.
Well, thanks to those who liked my post via Facebook, Twitter, Google+ or WordPress.
Today, was mostly good. Worked ten hours. I was able to do everything that the day brought. But at the same time my mind was like no you are not going to concentrate, be spacey, make your vision brighter, make your body feel cold, and everything will seem to be like you're on the ocean waves going back and forth. So, I felt pretty unfunctional while I was be functional all of today.
My body thinks I'm fully awake and want to do things but this awful constant headache that I've been having for a month or so is telling me to do something about it (as in to lay down, take medicine, and sleep or go to the doctors). I also hate taking medication because you can get addicted to just about anything.
I like working. I don't know what I would do if I didn't work. I'm not some sort of mental case that can't work. I'm capable of anything. Look at all the successful people who may have something wrong with them but it didn't stop them like Stephen Hawking, Stevie Wonder and Helen Keller.
Well, before I start rambling word vomit about why people are capable of things even if they have inner demons and what not. I just want to update you on how my day is going. I'll probably fall asleep later on and relax.
So anyway, I have decided to write this because I would like to create this in a way that people would understand those who are going through some sort of mental illness or inner demons that are not seen on the outside. This does not mean that we are horrible people or some mental person because we can a part of normal societies way.
To start off, I am fighting an illness called Chiari Malformation type 1. It’s where the brain tonsils are longer than the average persons. I have had once got treatment when I was first diagnosed around a few years ago but was released from treatment because I felt like I was back to my normal self and felt happy.
Now, skip to present day. About a month or so ago, things started to get worse. Top symptom is headaches which feels like a 5 ton layer of bricks are laying on the back of my head, cannot concentrate, parts of my body goes to sleep more often than normal and feels constantly numb, spacey, sleep schedule is messed up, panic attacks, some personality changes, appetite change, and certain lighting and combination of noises are starting to bug me.I haven’t seen the medics about why things are acting up again. I figured that the symptoms would just go away.
But unfortunately, it has not gone away. I really should go see the medics because I don’t like what my body is doing to me and starting to feel not myself. I am still able to drive, go to school, work, and etc. I will keep you posted, if you like I can make this a daily posting? Comment down below to let me know what your opinions are and if you want this to be a daily post.