Tag Archives: darkness

Have I become numb to it all? Diario #3

So, if you've read up on past Diario posts you got to know some of what I am going through. As the headaches gone, it lightened slightly but not by much. I still haven't made an appointment. Why? Because, frankly, I'm not a big fan of doctors and they don't know how to deal with people with Chiari and what they deal with on a daily basis unless they're specialists that dealt with numerous chiarians.

I feel like having months of extreme headaches, it'll start tugging on your emotions, the proper way of reacting back to the conversation, thought processes, appetite, sleep cycle, and etc. I've started to notice this. I haven't been me. I feel like I have to act it out or fake it, the real emotions I'm having at that current moment to what I was like. I'm not the superficial high maintained woman. If I had to compared my person to a celebrity personality, it would be be crossover between Johnny Depp, Ellen Degeneras, and a small hence of Queen Latifa. So yea I'm a pretty laid back girl who likes to have some fun and speaks her mind.

But, after months of what feels like agony and not feeling myself, I ask myself one question. Have I become numb to it all? I just don't knows how to talk to people anymore even though I know my friends and family and what they like to do. Can I get out of this agony and numbness? It's possible. I know for a fact I'm not depressed, I've been there I hated it. It's hard to fight it and become a normal self.

A Look into the Unknown

There are many things in this world that cannot be explained or yet explored. Yet, the sciences and math probabilities are able to explain some of the things going on but not all. Could it explain what is in the deepest depths of the ocean, what about the strange space, earth, and human anomalies, why we can't explain cold cases or missing person cases that are never reopened, what happens when something or someone goes through a black hole in space (hypothetically speaking), and etc? There's so many questions left to be answered.

It's an exploration race of knowledge beyond our capabilities which we are slowly learning more about and who knows what point of time it will take us to get there. It seems like there are a lot of dark subjects that haven't been shown the light of day and dedication to be worked into so we know the Earth and Space more and what we are capable of. It seems like there maybe a lot of curious minded people who are wondering about what the future holds and the mysteries and tales of the past, present and future.

What will the future hold? Will we discover what lies in the parts unknown and the tales of our own planet?

Lost Time Forgotten

 

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Picture taken by UnSilentTheSilence (2014)

It seems as time goes on we sometimes forget about what we leave behind. Somethings we remember as well as somethings well forgetful. How can that be?

Somethings we remember because it maybe traumatic that may affected so many lives. Examples of remembrance would be like some extreme acts of Mother Nature and wars9-11,  Berlin Wall, Pearl Harbor, Chernobyl and the Concentration Camps.

    Some things we tend to forget or leave behind. What about the abandoned land, property, businesses, homes, and other types of property and could it become in use? What about the events throughout history? What about the asylums? What about those who live in poverty? What about those who don’t have access to everyday needs? Did (insert event/promise/help/etc here) ever happen or is going to happen? It seems like we tend to forget those things that may have a dark history to it. A dark history when there was experimentations going on, maybe some inhuman things, or even the turn-of-the-century was changing.

The questions are:
How can we bring back what is forgotten?
Is the forgotten gone for a purpose or accidental reasoning?
Is the forgotten gone because we just “forgotten” about it?
How could we just “forget” what is just forgotten?
Could we have done things differently?
Should we just leave history be history?
Could we change the future history for the better?
And so many more to ask…………………………………………..

Self Acceptance, changes of myself

Over the years, I knew that I never did fit in any form. From trying to fit in with the crowds at school, work, friends, and etc, kind of sadening ain’t it? Oh well!

Growing up, I remember growing never fitting in anywhere, trying to go try out for sports, the school band, and school groups, all seem to be a bust. I did try to make friends even though some worked out compared to others. I never really had that many friends but since it was a small school, everyone seemed to know everyone and overall seemed to be alright with everyone getting along. Of course there seems to be a few blips of chaos or acting out that someone got into a bad fight or argument with one another person. I wasn’t exactly a loner or some shy and quiet person. Of course I knew what to avoid, how to defend myself and be sassy if I needed to be, and who my real friends were going to be since before high school. I was an extremely fast learner and knew how to read peoples personalities, mindset and mannerisms like you wouldn’t believe.

I also remember starting to liking the dark side of life since middle school. The dark side of life that I liked was the paranormal, oddities, sideshows, mediums, gothic history and fashion, and  anything unusual. I guess my personality changed from that point in middle school. Of course a lot of things happened since then to now. Some loved ones past away, people coming and going, and other things that may be sensitive to talk about.

However I never did get into gothic fashion until recently. Darker colors seem to fit into what I may be. I am slowly switching over from colors to dark. I felt like gothic part was there for some quite time it’s just hasn’t shown into fashion yet until here recently. I was asked why am I dressing so dark and told that gothicism is gross. I told them have you ever sat down and had a descent conversation with me recently? Have you ever once tried to get to know me? How well do you actually know? Do you even know half the stuff I liked? Do you even know me? I’m not this shy, quiet loner girl as you or others make me out to be. Do YOU know me personally.

Yea of course I know that there’s stigmas against gothic community but you’ll have to get to know that person before you judge them. For example of stigmas one of my favorite YouTubers (@itsblackfriday) is a part of the gothic community which she faced stigmas and discrimination in Paris and Prague. Which it could’ve been handled differently.

So, if you’re a part of the gothic community, what do you think? Would I be considered a part of the community? I’m not sure if I’m considered a baby bat, teen, or elders even though the personality came before clothing? What are you thoughts?

Darkness

Will you recognize me?

When I’m not standing in the crowd?

Oh darkness

You’ll be on my mind just like the flood!

Oh oh darkness

How you are my dearest friend!

I wish I was in the light!

I..I should’ve known better

Oh you have..turned me around…!!!!

Oh oh darkness

How I saw you coming around

So I can hide myself in the darkness….

Oh my darkness is so compelling

You don’t know how big you are?

Oh oh darkness

Oh darkness

Will you recognize me in the crowd?