Tag Archives: mental illness

Have I become numb to it all? Diario #3

So, if you've read up on past Diario posts you got to know some of what I am going through. As the headaches gone, it lightened slightly but not by much. I still haven't made an appointment. Why? Because, frankly, I'm not a big fan of doctors and they don't know how to deal with people with Chiari and what they deal with on a daily basis unless they're specialists that dealt with numerous chiarians.

I feel like having months of extreme headaches, it'll start tugging on your emotions, the proper way of reacting back to the conversation, thought processes, appetite, sleep cycle, and etc. I've started to notice this. I haven't been me. I feel like I have to act it out or fake it, the real emotions I'm having at that current moment to what I was like. I'm not the superficial high maintained woman. If I had to compared my person to a celebrity personality, it would be be crossover between Johnny Depp, Ellen Degeneras, and a small hence of Queen Latifa. So yea I'm a pretty laid back girl who likes to have some fun and speaks her mind.

But, after months of what feels like agony and not feeling myself, I ask myself one question. Have I become numb to it all? I just don't knows how to talk to people anymore even though I know my friends and family and what they like to do. Can I get out of this agony and numbness? It's possible. I know for a fact I'm not depressed, I've been there I hated it. It's hard to fight it and become a normal self.

The Functional Unfunctionalist type of Day | Diario #2

Well, thanks to those who liked my post via Facebook, Twitter, Google+ or WordPress.

Today, was mostly good. Worked ten hours. I was able to do everything that the day brought. But at the same time my mind was like no you are not going to concentrate, be spacey, make your vision brighter, make your body feel cold, and everything will seem to be like you're on the ocean waves going back and forth. So, I felt pretty unfunctional while I was be functional all of today.

My body thinks I'm fully awake and want to do things but this awful constant headache that I've been having for a month or so is telling me to do something about it (as in to lay down, take medicine, and sleep or go to the doctors). I also hate taking medication because you can get addicted to just about anything.

I like working. I don't know what I would do if I didn't work. I'm not some sort of mental case that can't work. I'm capable of anything. Look at all the successful people who may have something wrong with them but it didn't stop them like Stephen Hawking, Stevie Wonder and Helen Keller.

Well, before I start rambling word vomit about why people are capable of things even if they have inner demons and what not. I just want to update you on how my day is going. I'll probably fall asleep later on and relax.

Lost Time Forgotten

 

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Picture taken by UnSilentTheSilence (2014)

It seems as time goes on we sometimes forget about what we leave behind. Somethings we remember as well as somethings well forgetful. How can that be?

Somethings we remember because it maybe traumatic that may affected so many lives. Examples of remembrance would be like some extreme acts of Mother Nature and wars9-11,  Berlin Wall, Pearl Harbor, Chernobyl and the Concentration Camps.

    Some things we tend to forget or leave behind. What about the abandoned land, property, businesses, homes, and other types of property and could it become in use? What about the events throughout history? What about the asylums? What about those who live in poverty? What about those who don’t have access to everyday needs? Did (insert event/promise/help/etc here) ever happen or is going to happen? It seems like we tend to forget those things that may have a dark history to it. A dark history when there was experimentations going on, maybe some inhuman things, or even the turn-of-the-century was changing.

The questions are:
How can we bring back what is forgotten?
Is the forgotten gone for a purpose or accidental reasoning?
Is the forgotten gone because we just “forgotten” about it?
How could we just “forget” what is just forgotten?
Could we have done things differently?
Should we just leave history be history?
Could we change the future history for the better?
And so many more to ask…………………………………………..

What is it like having sensory overload?

Sensors are your 5 senses; sight, taste, hearing, touch, and smell. Having these senses, we take for granted everyday. But, what if you are having a sensory-overload?

Sensory-overload is not the best feeling in the world from personal experience. You are probably wondering what causes sensory-overload? Which could be just about anything like a side effect of medication, symptoms of some disorders or illnesses, headaches, or numerous of other things.

In my experience, sensory-overload is not the best feeling in the world. I do have an invisible illness which could be a symptom that appears every so often. Usually, when there is an overload for me it is mostly effects the sensors of sight and hearing. Those sensors seems to be more ambient and bright, almost neon colors and more ambient sounds like the noises are coming through of what seems like a old-styled loudspeaker. If I am going through these sensory-overloads for a long period of time, I would feel like I would be on the verge of crying and being sick, body-overheating, and on the verge of a migraine or actually having a migraine. On occasion, if feel like I would want to pass out from it. Sometimes, I would cry just how bad it is. If I can’t tell if I am having an overload and would start to cry for no reason. Then, if I happen to get home, I would most likely want to sleep or get away from all the bright light and loud noises for the majority of the day or the remainder of the day.

Only a few people has ever seen me go through this sensory overload. It is like self-torture if a person is going through this, if it is dragged out for a long distance of time,at least for me it is. If it dragged out, it feels like my mind is making things want to go into emergency shut down mode and you trying to fight it until you are able to get away from it.

But, it is always good to figure out what exactly causes these symptoms are for you. It is different for everyone. So make sure you ask a medical professional first and hopefully, it’ll get under control or fixed.

What’s it like living with high functioning anxiety?

High functioning anxiety is when you’re able to do things like a normal person except they express things a tad bit differently. Like being anal about things, insomniac, you’re sick about things, being busy can’t always be that much fun, you can’t reveal yourself exactly, NO doesn’t always exist, and everything seems like it’s all a trick.

But, what if it can be fixed? You can put back together, don’t stigmatize them for their situation, choice or cause of being that way, and to be don’t be rude, unkind, brush-off, don’t say something like “perk up butter cup things will get better soon” cause it will most likely make things 10x worse, help them recognize what types of problems that could factor into their situation, work on the problems as a team, don’t shove them into back the darkness that they were once in, and help them remind them of how they was once was and teach them how to recreate those feelings and memories of all the good times.

Yes, it’s a challenge to overcome. But how far are you willing to fix the problem or if you are going to be that somebody to fix that person.

Being Broken

Being broken could mean a variety of things. It could mean a relationship could have a small blimp or has gone wrong, you aren’t feeling up to par, anxiety, being single, finding Mr/Ms Right, stress, other stuff or a combination of sorts.

Well when it’s a combination of sorts, it can be tiring. For example a person may be looking for Mr Right, finishing up the last bit of college, job hunting/looking for job after graduation, fighting a invisible illness, slowly working on losing weight around scheduling shenanigans, expectations, and with other sorts of things that life brings along. After dealing with these different things for a decent amount of time, I just don’t exactly know what I want to do. I feel lost, alone, slightly numb, anxious, and a hince of not exactly knowing what to do in a lot of situations.

After those feelings are felt for numerous of years, you almost feel like a lost soul with no one to go on the adventure with. Loner you ask? Not always the case maybe if you do see someone who is supposedly shy or quiet, you should be like “hey, how’s things going?”, start a normal conversation, be a friend, be there, and help piece back the puzzles that were taken out. But, being supposed quiet or shy person isn’t always that way is that they’re used to not anyone being there or around.

Being there for a person who may be broken may want help, a friend, to open their space, want their own space, or needing someone to recognized them or being a part of the crowd.

If a broken person is speaking out. It’s best to listen, recognize what they’re saying, respond properly, offer help if necessary, be there for them, don’t be the one time helper or brush them off in anyway shape or form (it may take a lengthy process for the pieces to be put back together), don’t stigmatize them for their situation, choice or cause of being that way, and to be don’t be rude, unkind, brush-off, don’t say something like “perk up butter cup things will get better soon” cause it will most likely make things 10x worse, help them recognize what types of problems that could factor into their situation, work on the problems as a team, don’t shove them into back the darkness that they were once in, and help them remind them of how they was once was and teach them how to recreate those feelings and memories of all the good times.

Some people needs a medical professional (some people may not), spouse, significant other, family, friends, classmates, co-workers, acquaintances, or even a stranger.